The AntiCupid's Assistant Vol 1: Drake and Josh
by Cupid'sEvilTwin
Summary: Uh, visit my author profile if you want to know what the series is about.  It's pretty hard to explain in 255 characters.  And if it's not obvious that the story is better than the summary... well, it is.
1. Say Huh?

Chapter 1: Say Huh?

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In my defense, I don't own D&J, or Kim Possible. So ya can't sue me.

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I looked around at my surroundings. _Not too shabby, _I thought to myself, _but definitely not my room_. "Karma, can you hear me?" I heard.

"Bob?" I asked shocked, "Why are you a hologram? And why am I not in my room? And why do I have an accent? Ugh, and why am I a _BLONDE??_"

"I had another fabulous idea! It will rid the world of couples once and for all!" cried Bob, my crazy boss.

"That doesn't explain why I suddenly have curly blonde hair!" I screamed impatiently.

My natural hair is raven black. It's extremely straight and manageable, never a frizz in sight. This 'new' hair, on the other hand… "Numero uno, I am a hologram, because now we are in different realms, and this is the only way I can talk to you. Numero dos, you aren't in your room because you are temporarily living in the Nichols household. Numero tres, as an exchange student from Israel. Numero quatro, Maya is a blonde," Bob attempted to explain.

I stared at him in shock. "You said what now? Who the hell is Maya? And the Nichols?" I asked confused.

"You see, this is my greatest plan yet," Bob started, "You will break up _TV couples, _so you have to actually be in the show."

This was my cue to make a sarcastic remark. You see, Bob and I have a Drakken and Shego type relationship. He's the 'evil genius', and I'm the 'sidekick', even though ninety nine point ninety nine percent of the time I can think up better plans than him. Oh, and if you don't watch Kim Possible, you should. It's awesome. "Ok, B-boy, I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, but TV is _faaaake_," I said, stressing the word fake.

"I know that! Pphsht," Bob snapped, "but people get their ideas from TV. And if there's no love onscreen, there's no love in reality. Eh?"

_This might just work, _I thought. And so I told him. "That, my dear Karma, is the reason why I'm the genius, and you're my assistant," Bob said smugly.

I rolled my eyes. "So let me get this straight," I said, "My name is Maya, I am an exchange student from Israel, and I am in the world of… hmm… let's see… Nichols, that means Drake and Josh."

"Ding ding ding, we have a winner," Bob said happily.

"Now, who am I supposed to break up?" I asked, wondering why he still didn't tell me.

Bob giggled. Yeah, he actually giggled. "That's the best part," he cried enthusiastically, "I will give you a riddle. It will be a sentence or two, using a word that sounds like the name of each person in the relationship. Using that riddle, you will figure out the couple."

I raised my eyebrows, confused. Bob sighed exasperatedly. "Like Bob and Karma would be: I like eating corn on the cob at the farm-a."

"Cob: Bob, Farm-a: Karma?" I asked.

Bob clapped perkily. "Exacto, facto."

I winced. "Okay, don't ever say that again," I told him.

"The riddle is: The male's job involves selling minty candy."

I laughed. "Minty candy??? Why couldn't you just say _mints_? Or did you not know that that was a word?"

"I know that's a word, but if I had said mints, it would have ruined the whole thing!" Bob yelled, then calmed down, "Now, who do you think it is?"

"Josh and Mindy. Job: Josh, Minty: Mindy," I sighed.

As if it wasn't obvious. I mean, besides the parents, there practically were no other steady couples in the show. "Right," Bob said, "Now if you don't mind, I hafta go, and you really should join the family downstairs in the kitchen. And by the way, I thought you might get into sticky situations, so I gave you incredible acting slash lying skills."

"Wow, you thought of everything," I muttered sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

Bob just winked at me. "Bye," I said as he disappeared with a flash.

_Here goes nothing, _I thought, sighed, and exited the room.

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R&Rs would be appreciated! Thanx in advance. :P 


	2. Meet the Family

Chapter 2: Meet the Family

If I owned Drake and Josh, I would not be here right now. Probably. I think…

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As I entered the kitchen, I was greeted by the five Nichols, well, actually, three Nichols and two Parkers, yelling at one another. _Oh, joy_, I thought sarcastically, and then yelled, "GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!"

The yelling died down one by one as they all turned to look at me. "Oh, hey Maya," Josh said, who was the only one that knew who I was.

Last night was supposedly the night I arrived, and he came alone to pick me up. Apparently, I conked out the second I got into his car, and then he carried me to my bed. Nobody else saw me 'til now. "Hi, Josh," I smiled.

The others' reactions were all different. Audrey and Walter immediately started to apologize. "We're really sorry about the yelling," he said, using weird hand movements as he talked.

"Yeah," Audrey jumped in, biting her lip, "It's not usually like this here."

It was funny how she didn't know that they were on a TV show that I watched, and that naturally I would know the truth. But I'm getting off track, and we should probably go back to what was happening in the kitchen… "Yes it is," Megan said, and left the room, probably to watch us on her big TV screen in her room.

It was then that I noticed that Drake was staring at me. Usually I wouldn't mind, but he wasn't staring at my face, or my feet, if you know what I mean… "Uh, you? The one with the guitar on his shirt? Are you with us?" I asked, bringing Drake back down to earth.

"So you're Maya?" he asked, impressed.

I laughed at his stupidity. "Yes, and you are…"

"Drake," he told me, though I already knew, "Drake Parker."

"Nice to meet you, Drake," I said, reaching out to shake his hand.

He reached out as well, and I couldn't help but notice that he shook strongly. I didn't really see it from TV, but Drake has _muscles_! "I think we'll be close friends," he said, now having the decency to look me in the eye, "Nice eyes, by the way. They remind me of my favorite guitar pick. A nice ocean blue color. Very pretty."

Typical Drake. I had the urge to roll my eyes, but I managed to not. On the bright side, at least now I know why Bob gave me a nice body. I could break Drake, Josh, _and_ Mindy's hearts this way. "So, Maya, do you want me to take you on a tour around the neighborhood?" Josh asked me, cutting into my thoughts.

"Sure," I agreed, and smiled at him.

"Maybe I should come too," Drake suggested.

_Pathetic_, I thought to myself. "I don't think that—" Josh started to say, but I interrupted.

"You should have even asked. It's an obvious yes. I mean, _duh_!"

If I'm going to reject him, I might as well lead him on, right? "Awesome!" Drake yelled, but Josh frowned.

He was silent for a while, and then just said, "Whatever."

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. "He can come if he really wants to," I whispered to Josh apologetically.

He smiled back. We left, followed by calls of, "Have fun!" by Drake and Josh's parents.

Oh, I will most definitely have fun… Muahahahahahaha…

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How is it that I only got 1 review last chapter? I demand more reviews, people! J/K… but it would be nice if I got some… 


	3. Megan's Interference

Chapter 3: Megan's Interference

As much as it pains me to say… I don't, or will I ever, own Drake and Josh.

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"Josh, I still can't believe you get to watch free movies!" I cried as we entered their house.

"Well, Maya," he countered, "I can't believe your brother's really in the army!"

I shrugged. "He has to be. It's Israeli law… everybody has to at some point."

"Well, then I guess you have a lot of good looking, muscular guys wandering around there, huh?" Drake asked, looking depressed.

I smiled, and lightly touched his arm. "Just because they're in the army, doesn't mean they necessarily do any fighting," I said.

Drake smiled smugly, and said, "Then maybe-"

But he only managed to get that far, until Josh stopped him. "Drake, you look tired," he said suddenly, "Are you tired? I'm tired! Let's go get ready for bed."

I watched as Drake was forcefully dragged upstairs by his brother. I looked at my watch. 11:02 P.M. I guess I'd better get ready, too. I slowly trudged up the stairs, but never made it to my room. I was yanked inside a room, which I recognized as Megan's. "Megan?" I whispered into the darkness.

"Sit down," I heard.

"Okay…" I muttered, and felt my way to her bed, so I could sit on it.

As soon as my butt hit the mattress, the light was turned on. Megan stood in front of me, dressed in black. "Explain this," she demanded, and brought up the panel with all the little TV screens on it.

She zoomed into one square, so that it filled the whole screen, and I gasped when I saw that the room she was showing me was the guest room. I looked on in shock as she rewinded the tape, and then played out my entire conversation with Bob. When it was over, I was speechless. Megan glared at me. When she saw I wasn't going to be opening my mouth anytime soon, she said, "Fine," and brought the screen back to all the mini screens, then zoomed in on a different one.

This time I saw Drake and Josh arguing. "She likes me, I know it!" Drake was screaming, "And besides, you can't like her, you have Mindy!"

"I can dump Mindy," Josh yelled, "You should know, you dump girls all the time!"

I laughed triumphantly on the inside, but on the outside I stayed stiff and calm. Megan turned off the screen, and looked at me. "So, Karma, you gonna talk, or what?" she asked.

"Look, Megan, I'm sorry, but…"

"Save it!" Megan said, "I'm not looking for a sorry."

"You're not?" I asked, confused.

"Nope," she told me.

"So… what do you want?"

"If you don't want everybody to know your little secret-" Megan paused.

"Yes?" I said expectantly.

"You have to let me help you."

I sighed in relief, then looked up at Megan and laughed. "I'd love to have you as my partner!" I cried, "Megan, you could totally help me! I mean, you live to make them miserable, don't you?"

She smiled, "Yeah, I do."

Megan turned the screen back on, and we watched Drake and Josh arguing for a while. When they went to sleep, Megan smiled at me. "That was the best entertainment I've had so far!" she laughed.

"Yeah," I sighed, "It's classic."

"We should probably get to sleep now," Megan pointed out.

"Uh-huh," I agreed, and got up.

"Karma?" I heard just as I got to the door.

I turned around and saw Megan already under the covers, with her eyes half closed. "Yeah?"

"Am I really on TV?"

"Yep."

"That's nice," she said dreamily, and closed her eyes all the way.

I chuckled softly to my self. "Goodnight," I whispered softly, and quietly closed the door.

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Did you like it? A) Yes. B) No. If you answered A, please review and let me know so. If you answered B, also review and let me know so. Thank you, and have a nice day. 


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